What does it mean?

I felt something. I heard the rain. I know I did. I heard the drops hitting the roof, I heard the wind rustling, and I know I heard the rain. It was coming down, not hard, but not light. It was washing over us. Washing the unseen away. I wanted to see that rain, stand outside in it. Embrace it. So, I stepped onto my porch two nights ago. Wanting to see the rain I heard, but it wasn't there. I know I heard it, I felt it too. But there was no rain. The night air was dry. Empty. No slick road, no damp grass. Nothing. I can't explain it. Nor can I explain what I felt out there. There are no words that can fully describe it. I just wish I knew what it meant. What is it signaling? Perhaps I'll ask.
On a completely, polar-opposite, topic. My stomach's in knots, my thoughts are swirling, and my gut is rolling. I need a chance to explain. There's so much more than you could possibly see. You have no idea. I promise, perhaps that's my fault. But, I'm not entirely guilty. Either way, please, just give me the chance to explain, and say what needs to be said. Because there's so much more than you think. But, I am genuinely sorry. I should have never left things unsaid. I honestly wish someone could hit me right now. I need to go get some work done, so I can go for a much needed walk though.
What did it mean? I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me? I don't understand! Why the fuck did I ask for a sign? I knew I'd just get more trouble. Not worth it. I knew that though didn't I? And you know I know better, so I guess thanks for the reminder? This is what I get.
I'm shaking my head at myself way too much right now.
Anyway, I better go get to work. For real.