I seriously hate change and i hate having the hiccups.

Bonjour,
Okay so i have the hiccups right now and it is so annoying. I'm serious they're the ones that make your chest hurt every time you hiccup. It's awful. Grrr. On a whole other subject i really dislike change. I hate how everything is flying by and i can't grab on to it. It seems like just yesterday I was a little 12 year old wanting to be 16. Now I'm 16 and in high school and i just can't get a grip on it. It's seems impossible, all of this happening. I keep thinking about the past and trying to cling to it, I'm just confused...and slightly lost. It isn't right, I can barely do my homework and chored because i can't focus. None of this is fathomable to me and I don't like feeling like this. I don't know what it is. This feeling I have. It is always lurking in my mind. Some days I fight it back, other days it overcomes me. I lose myself completely, but then I come back and I feel fine, I feel strong. I feel optimistic and hopeful towards the future. I want to take control of my life. I feel happy and I know everything is gonna be alright. But that's only half of the time. The other half I feel weak and lost. The world around me is spinning and i can't seem to catch up or grab on. Everyone is speaking but I don't understand a word. I'm walking through the day like it's a dream. Just trying to hold onto myself. But i don't even know who that is. The world outside my window is darkening, yet I tell everyone I'm fine. It's a lie, I'm not fine. I'm nto me. I'm in pieces and don't want to put myself together again. But I guess I hide it well, sometimes I can hide it from myself. But it always comes back. One of these days I'll fight it and make it go away completely..I hope. I just don't know how yet. But I will figure it out eventually...