So, i'm not allowed to actually talk about what's going on. I'm going to attempt to describe this without going into detail. People are fucking impossible.It's inevitable. Humans are selfish, ignorant beings who will destroy themselves. It is never going to end. They are going to continue destroying themselves and everyone around you. And it's about time certain people stopped fucking having kids. If you don't know how to be a parent, please do not try. We don't need another fucked up person in this world. There are way too many people in this world who don't deserve kids. And i'm fortunate enough to know the majority of them. If you have kid, it's time to get over yourself and raise them right! You got yourself or someone else pregnant. Go fucking deal with that. Don't make someone else suffer because you're an idiot. Give them a chance to be the best that they could be. Do whatever the hell you want with your life, but do NOT drag everyone else around you down! I'm so tired of it. You make me sick to my stomach. I hope you're fucking happy.
Well that was fun wasn't it.
Ciao
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Biology Class
Bonjour mon amies,
I'm in biology right now and google is annoying me so I decided I should update for you instead. Don't you feel special? You shouldn't. I'm just bored. And midly depressed. But that's life. Search engines suck. A lot. That's why I hate research. I know I haven't updated in awhile, I've been really pessimistic. I thought I'd be nice and try not to spread the pessimism. I'm so tired of people. Useless pieces of shit who only care about themselves. I'm kinda over everything right about now. I need to get rid of this awful, exasperated, hollow feeling inside me. My family's fucked up. That was an understatement. I wish I could do something. And I wish i could stop living in the past and start living in the moment. Everything would be easier that way. I called an old friend last night. I'm so glad I did. Reconnecting is really good. I missed her so much.. Sigh, I need to stop. I really need to stop dwelling on the past. We can't change the past. Or relive it. The only thing we can do is focus on right now. Because the moment passes by quickly, and you don't want to miss out on anything. Take every chance you have. Don't regret anything. Don't hesitate. Be careful. But just live. Keep going. Don't stop. Don't let opportunities pass you by.
I'm in biology right now and google is annoying me so I decided I should update for you instead. Don't you feel special? You shouldn't. I'm just bored. And midly depressed. But that's life. Search engines suck. A lot. That's why I hate research. I know I haven't updated in awhile, I've been really pessimistic. I thought I'd be nice and try not to spread the pessimism. I'm so tired of people. Useless pieces of shit who only care about themselves. I'm kinda over everything right about now. I need to get rid of this awful, exasperated, hollow feeling inside me. My family's fucked up. That was an understatement. I wish I could do something. And I wish i could stop living in the past and start living in the moment. Everything would be easier that way. I called an old friend last night. I'm so glad I did. Reconnecting is really good. I missed her so much.. Sigh, I need to stop. I really need to stop dwelling on the past. We can't change the past. Or relive it. The only thing we can do is focus on right now. Because the moment passes by quickly, and you don't want to miss out on anything. Take every chance you have. Don't regret anything. Don't hesitate. Be careful. But just live. Keep going. Don't stop. Don't let opportunities pass you by.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Longing and Sorrow
Have you ever longed for someone with your entire being? Missed them in every way possible? Missed talking to, laughing with, yelling at, or just being with that one person? Wanted things back the way they were? Wanted that person to stop you from walking away? Wanted them to come back into your life more than anything else? Missed what you had and what you were? Missed all the simple things? Have you ever felt like part of you has been ripped out? Did you ever have someone that you mad your whole life? Then have them walk away? Or let you completely walk out of their life? It hurts. A lot. I don't think you can completely get over that pain. Everyone has friends who walk into their lives that leave more than footprints. These people are something significant. These are your true friends. Don't turn your back on them. Keep them in your life. Hold close to them. Talk to them. Love them. These are the friends you will grow old with, but you don't find them too often. Don't lose them. Don't leave them. Call them. Reconnect. Apologize. Be honest. Tell them exactly how you feel. Don't grow apart. I've had a few friends like this. I know we will always be apart of each other's lives. Except for one. I'm not sure who's fault it is. But for u to be friends again one of us has to call the other. But i won't. Not yet. First I must decide who this friend is. I must know if they are someone who will stay in my life forever. If they try to talk to me first, well, it'll help me figure things out. But I won't let myself lose the friends that I have right now. The ones who've seen all of me. And are still here. We've been through a lot. I won't lose them like the one i already lost.
I love you all. Thank you for being in my life. I owe you my life. You guys made me who I am and have been there for me through it all. I won't ever leave you
I love you all. Thank you for being in my life. I owe you my life. You guys made me who I am and have been there for me through it all. I won't ever leave you
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I seriously hate change and i hate having the hiccups.
Bonjour,
Okay so i have the hiccups right now and it is so annoying. I'm serious they're the ones that make your chest hurt every time you hiccup. It's awful. Grrr. On a whole other subject i really dislike change. I hate how everything is flying by and i can't grab on to it. It seems like just yesterday I was a little 12 year old wanting to be 16. Now I'm 16 and in high school and i just can't get a grip on it. It's seems impossible, all of this happening. I keep thinking about the past and trying to cling to it, I'm just confused...and slightly lost. It isn't right, I can barely do my homework and chored because i can't focus. None of this is fathomable to me and I don't like feeling like this. I don't know what it is. This feeling I have. It is always lurking in my mind. Some days I fight it back, other days it overcomes me. I lose myself completely, but then I come back and I feel fine, I feel strong. I feel optimistic and hopeful towards the future. I want to take control of my life. I feel happy and I know everything is gonna be alright. But that's only half of the time. The other half I feel weak and lost. The world around me is spinning and i can't seem to catch up or grab on. Everyone is speaking but I don't understand a word. I'm walking through the day like it's a dream. Just trying to hold onto myself. But i don't even know who that is. The world outside my window is darkening, yet I tell everyone I'm fine. It's a lie, I'm not fine. I'm nto me. I'm in pieces and don't want to put myself together again. But I guess I hide it well, sometimes I can hide it from myself. But it always comes back. One of these days I'll fight it and make it go away completely..I hope. I just don't know how yet. But I will figure it out eventually...
Okay so i have the hiccups right now and it is so annoying. I'm serious they're the ones that make your chest hurt every time you hiccup. It's awful. Grrr. On a whole other subject i really dislike change. I hate how everything is flying by and i can't grab on to it. It seems like just yesterday I was a little 12 year old wanting to be 16. Now I'm 16 and in high school and i just can't get a grip on it. It's seems impossible, all of this happening. I keep thinking about the past and trying to cling to it, I'm just confused...and slightly lost. It isn't right, I can barely do my homework and chored because i can't focus. None of this is fathomable to me and I don't like feeling like this. I don't know what it is. This feeling I have. It is always lurking in my mind. Some days I fight it back, other days it overcomes me. I lose myself completely, but then I come back and I feel fine, I feel strong. I feel optimistic and hopeful towards the future. I want to take control of my life. I feel happy and I know everything is gonna be alright. But that's only half of the time. The other half I feel weak and lost. The world around me is spinning and i can't seem to catch up or grab on. Everyone is speaking but I don't understand a word. I'm walking through the day like it's a dream. Just trying to hold onto myself. But i don't even know who that is. The world outside my window is darkening, yet I tell everyone I'm fine. It's a lie, I'm not fine. I'm nto me. I'm in pieces and don't want to put myself together again. But I guess I hide it well, sometimes I can hide it from myself. But it always comes back. One of these days I'll fight it and make it go away completely..I hope. I just don't know how yet. But I will figure it out eventually...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Getting hot chocolate is funn
Hello lovelies,
Hmmm not much happened today, I saw my dad's friend's daughter today which was cool because we haven't seen each other in awhile. It's always nice to see an old friend. I'm trying to get the courage to call an old friend of mine that I have not talked to in ages. We got paneraa :) yumm I love their food. I also met went with some friends to Denny's to get hot cocoa or coffee or water lol. It was a lot of fun. I apparently now I have a big brother who's going to be looking out for me. I love just going somewhere random and gettin a drink or food and just chilling. Or driving around. It's such a wonderful feeling. To be in a car with no specific destination. You can go anywhere and everywhere. So much fun. I really do not want break to be over. Seriously. School should start later, everyone knows teenagers stay up late. Why would these idiots make them go to school as early as possible? It's just ridiculous. Ah well, we have no other choice. Anyways, I'm going to get ready for bed and attempt to get some sleep.
Ciao mon amies.
Je t'aime.
Hmmm not much happened today, I saw my dad's friend's daughter today which was cool because we haven't seen each other in awhile. It's always nice to see an old friend. I'm trying to get the courage to call an old friend of mine that I have not talked to in ages. We got paneraa :) yumm I love their food. I also met went with some friends to Denny's to get hot cocoa or coffee or water lol. It was a lot of fun. I apparently now I have a big brother who's going to be looking out for me. I love just going somewhere random and gettin a drink or food and just chilling. Or driving around. It's such a wonderful feeling. To be in a car with no specific destination. You can go anywhere and everywhere. So much fun. I really do not want break to be over. Seriously. School should start later, everyone knows teenagers stay up late. Why would these idiots make them go to school as early as possible? It's just ridiculous. Ah well, we have no other choice. Anyways, I'm going to get ready for bed and attempt to get some sleep.
Ciao mon amies.
Je t'aime.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year and what not
Hello my dears,
I haven't felt like posting the past couple days, hope ya didn't miss me too much. It's 2010!! I really can not bring myself to understand how this happened. I mean it seems like just yesterday that i was in middle school and living with my mother and stepfather...and this scared, quiet, little girl. I have grown so much. I've lived a bit more of life. I did what I had believed to be the impossible. I spoke up. Now I'm living with my dad and things really aren't that bad...even though I complain a lot..probably too much. But I have it pretty good, and I know it..it wasn't always this way. I've made it through another year of love and pain and life. I definitely didn't have the greatest strt to 2010, but hey we have 364 days left to make it an amazing year XD And I plan to do everything in my power to make this an amazing year pour moi. I'm assuming all you who read my post from a couple days ago guessed that my "advice to guys" was about a specific guy..you're right. It was really hurtful because he was my best friend and first love. But i;m gettin over it and realizing that I have a lot more awesome people around me..yesterday it was finalized..I asked him not to text me anymore he said ok and goodbye. I was extremely upset but what he ut online hurt and I know I did the right thing for me. And maybe one day we can be friends again, I hope he gives me that chance if and when I'm willing to give him a chance. I know we can never be more than friends again, but that doesn't change how much he means to me and how much I would like to be friends with him again..but what happens happens. For now I'm going to deal with me. This will be an amazing year. I've decided it and I will make it happen. You should all do the same. Your life is what you make it. You can;t change everything, but you can change a lot. Well I better go get my little sister some cereal.
Ciao
I haven't felt like posting the past couple days, hope ya didn't miss me too much. It's 2010!! I really can not bring myself to understand how this happened. I mean it seems like just yesterday that i was in middle school and living with my mother and stepfather...and this scared, quiet, little girl. I have grown so much. I've lived a bit more of life. I did what I had believed to be the impossible. I spoke up. Now I'm living with my dad and things really aren't that bad...even though I complain a lot..probably too much. But I have it pretty good, and I know it..it wasn't always this way. I've made it through another year of love and pain and life. I definitely didn't have the greatest strt to 2010, but hey we have 364 days left to make it an amazing year XD And I plan to do everything in my power to make this an amazing year pour moi. I'm assuming all you who read my post from a couple days ago guessed that my "advice to guys" was about a specific guy..you're right. It was really hurtful because he was my best friend and first love. But i;m gettin over it and realizing that I have a lot more awesome people around me..yesterday it was finalized..I asked him not to text me anymore he said ok and goodbye. I was extremely upset but what he ut online hurt and I know I did the right thing for me. And maybe one day we can be friends again, I hope he gives me that chance if and when I'm willing to give him a chance. I know we can never be more than friends again, but that doesn't change how much he means to me and how much I would like to be friends with him again..but what happens happens. For now I'm going to deal with me. This will be an amazing year. I've decided it and I will make it happen. You should all do the same. Your life is what you make it. You can;t change everything, but you can change a lot. Well I better go get my little sister some cereal.
Ciao
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)