I wish I could fly

Dark spots coating
Each layer of skin and bone
Spirits are simply floating
Each one is alone
Separated by masks of glass
Puppet bodies parading across the ceramic tiled floor
Bending to the will of an invisible hand, nothing less
Made of dirty, rotting flesh, nothing more
The story unfolds from false truths and white lies
The ones to complain about the fall were the first to jump



i might continue this later but right now i wanna sleep.
g'nite

Why dance with the devil when you have me?

You're fighting so hard, but you're fighting for the wrong thing. You are fighting to hide, to run away from everyone else. Everyone who cares. Everyone who tried. You can't grasp that. Can't fathom how anyone could care. You feel so broken inside. Feeling the blackness rip apart your soul. So you shut them out. Push them away, so you'll never feel pain. But without pain, you're only numb. A human can only stay sane for so long that way. You hate being this way, but you hate the other way too. You don't want to care. You can't bare to feel. It's too much for you to handle. If only you could realize that you aren't alone. You don't have to shoulder the pain on your own. That's why they are here. They're trying so hard, it's tearing them apart. Everyone's hurting inside, but no one can change your mind. Only you can save yourself, but you don't have to do it alone. They won't let you be alone. Even if some don't understand it, they can still accept it. I'm sorry there wasn't more I could do. I wish I could it all for you. But no matter what, I'll always be here to break the fall. I love each of you.


This post came out of some frustration and hurt i'm dealing with while trying to help some people i care about. It's about several people, and they're killing me. I care so much, but I can do so little. I'm sort of lost at the moment. I hope tomorrow holds something better for them.

It's hot out, but the blood in her veins is cold. The full moon cannot cast a light on her heart. The stars can light an aura of silver around her, but they cannot remove the darkness from inside her. Energy is pulsating through the air. A thundering train vibrates her stable ground as she stares at the calm water under the bridge. It's nothing abnormal for her. This staring. She can't shake the restlessness. The want, no need, to take off. To fly away and never come back. To sever each little string that holds her to this life and soar above it. Catch on the winds and be free. She'll be carried somewhere else. Somewhere far away where she can forget it all and start anew. It's possible, but she can't be sure how probable. At least not at the moment, but that could change in an instant. One certain word, one specific action from them could change her mind. That's all it would take to drive her to cut each tie and leave. She's tempted, but she can't. Not yet. She hopes they'll make her want to stay. She needs them to keep her grounded, but how can they? How can someone do for her what she cannot do. Perhaps she isn't meant to stay grounded. She's a spirit that longs for adventure and excitement. A soul that wants to be free. Free of people, free of rules, free of everything. So much contradiction goes on in her mind now. She doesn't understand it. She used to be so sure. Now, not so much. So, she puts a halt on the thoughts, questions, ideas, and memories. Her lungs expand and contracts as she fills them with the hot, night air. She spreads her arms wide. No thoughts, just go she tells herself. "It's time." she whispers aloud. And she jumps off the railroad bridge, diving straight towards the water beneath her. It has to be frigid this time of year. But just before she plunges in, her head looks up, her body straightens out, and she soars. Her wings are spread. Black, feathered wings that are torn in several spots. But she doesn't care. They're spread wide. They aren't beautiful like the others', but they are hers. The result of wars she fought. Pointless wars with no meaning she could grasp. The winds tugs at her playfully. She smiles. Gives in to the longing and she leaves. They were her only reason for staying this long, but in the end it wasn't enough. They changed. She changed. Maybe they couldn't handle it, she thought to herself. Or maybe it is her fault.

I want to go for a walk

Restlessness is coursing
Through my every vein
Abnormal thoughts forcing
Their way through my every vein
Unconventional questions wrestling with
Ideas that were pounded into my very bane
My very bane of existence
Running away
Taking cover
Sure of only one thing
In a midst of uncertainty

Filth

I'm appalled. Disgusted. You revolting, dirtied, insufficient piece of shit. You do not deserve the dirt on this floor. I cannot fucking believe you did this. Stay the fuck out of my life and stay fuckkk away from my little sister. You will not hurt me anymore. You will not affect me. You are no longer apart of my life. Goodbye.

We're simply spinning, spinning swiftly in circles. Getting dizzy, but we don't wanna stop. Why should we? It's only a game. We trip, fall
Fall fast
Straight
To
The ground
Skin scraped and bleeding. It hurts, but only enough to remind us we're alive. It may not be safe. It may not make sense to you, but it's all we have. Just a simple release, the tiniest escape from the darkness we live in. Sometimes the gates break, the thoughts, the pain, the memories, they all flood towards the front of the mind. It's too much. Too much. I can't take it or grasp it. So I hide, hide far far away. Hide in the only safe place. Yet I realize, nowhere is safe. No one can be trusted. And my breath catches in my throat. My heart pounds. My chest tightens. It's so heavy now. Heavy, weighted. My throat's closing. I can't..can't..breathe. So i run away. I disappear. Leave you all behind. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Sometimes I'm not though, and I'm ashamed for it. So then I pull up my smile, my illusion. I act happy, I get social. And it draws my energy. It tires me to the point of mental exhaustion. And then so we take each others hands and we spin. Spin faster than ever. The trees are blurs. No one else exists. The sky and land meet one another in a blurry, colorful haze. But in the end we always fall to the ground, bleeding. Then night comes, it brings with it a new world. It's filled with doubt and questions.


Don't ever stop questioning your world. It makes you different. :)
Keep on spinning.
If you fall, get back up again.
You can't run for long, you can't hide forever.
This moments gone.
Make the next one last.
Make every second worth it.
Each of us changes the world, one action, one word at a time. Change cannot happen immediately, that does not mean it isn't in the works.
Leave something worth living for.
Make the world the best it can be for you, and do all that you can to make it better for the next generations.

OWWW

Okay just so you all know, an asleep foot does not aid in blog posting. Jesus my foot hurts and it won't stop. Gah. Kay anywayys. I totally lost my whole philosophical train thought. Fudge. Umm. Nevermind i guess i'll do it later. Paige, if you happen to read this, I think you are a dirty whore.










How bout we answer the phone or return Jaime's calls? Hmm? Psh yea right. Yea. So we may miss out on Otep and Williamcontrol. Cause you're a dumb bitch who won't call me back.






By the way, everyone who isn't paige, i was kidding with the insults. I loves my peach :) hey guess what i like yellow gummy bears. Goin to bed so I can fail tomorrow's finals. Fuckkk. Yea that was quite a large amount of profanity. I apologize. Or do I?
kaybye.

Nonexistence

Who are we, really? Just souls drifting along a previously decided path? Why am I here? What do we matter? None of it's important. It simply is. But that means nothing. Am I even alive. Does the breath in my lungs, the beating of my heart, the blood in my veins make me alive. What does that even mean. What's the point of it all. What are we doing here? Trying to succeed in a rigged game. Pushing forward on a walkway moving backwards. I just don't understand any of it. I pretend I do, but I don't. None of it even matters anymore. We know nothing. Noone knows who their neighbour is, hell, nobody even knows their best friend. We see little. We know nothing. Any lie can be told. What's the point in trusting anyone besides yourself. People kill, destroy, maim, beat, steal, hate vandalize, and all the other works. So why try? We start out alone, in the end we're alone, so who says we aren't alone right now. We are. Fuck it, i'm done. Fuck this. It can all go to hell.
Kay, to all you ignorant people, I'm not suicidal, this is not directed at anyone etc, it's just me questioning the world. I tend to do that. Whatever.

I should

say I'm sorry, but i don't want to. I don't even wanna try. Just shutup. Leave me alone. You already are. Whatever. kaybye.

I should really start sleeping.

So instead of writing a poem, or a meaningful rant, or something metaphorical i'm giving you a meaningless update on my life. for now atleast. The guitar learning is coming along at a slow and steady pace, meaning almost no progress. :D it's hard. It's finals week so that's keeping me busy, especially with my little procrastination issues. everything else is really good right now. i'm happy with my life and the people in it. I'm giving up on guys for the time being. One was too old, the other got together with his ex, the other's a total manwhore druggie, the other still has a girl. So yea, my luck in that area is sucking balls. I'm gonna have a fun summer, with long nights, walks, photography, writing, bonfires, hiking, swimming, writing, reading, chilling, sleeping, reading, learning, growing, flirting, reading, and writing. :D I have some high hopes for this summer. It's gonna be great. I can feel it. Oh and grad parties, concerts, meeting people, visiting family, babysitting, earning money for japan, hopefully makin crazy ass videos with louis and whoever else wants to for japan moneyy. Yea. I know you were dying to know all of that. I think I'm gonna go to bed now. Maybe. We'll see. R.I.P. granny. I'm sorry Paige :'( i love all of you guys so much. If I had a car I would've been right there with kleenex, good movies, food, and chocolate. then I'd kidnap you so you could get outta the house. We'd blare metal and drive like assholes screaming along to it. Oh and blastinggg Noir to (stupid blogspot won't let me make a heart damnit). Love you darling. anywaysss again.

Bonsoir. Ciao mes amours.

All Due Restraint

Anyways here's more poetry. I'm posting more than one again.please read and comment.


This voice goes unheard.
The lack of acknowledgement is absurd.
You scream out at the crowd.
Your words, so loud,
Yet so ignored.
Another voice roared.
Heads turned to the speaker.
He cried "Our world is turning bleaker"
Then he gestured for you
You called out to them "What I say is true,
Now is our time.
It is we who will stop this crime.
We must stand up and fight.
Together we will take freedom to new heights.
We shall create something other,
Than a world that pits brother against brother.
Lives are changing,
History is in the making.
It's time to have our say,
To make our voices cry out over the bay,
And echo across this land.
Take each other hand in hand,
Storm through the gates,
This is our fate.
Knowing the choices,
And screaming out with our rebel voices.”



I fear the result
That may come of this.
I fear it can never change,
If we only watch.
I fear that what we'll lose
Could be more than we gain.
Everyone is ignorant,
But no one is innocent.
Society is
A harsh, cruel dictator
That they all follow.
We'll lead a revolution,
And when they ask us
"What's the point in standing up?"
We will reply
"What's the point in standing still?"


The shame is transparent, the guilt not there.
Bittersweet love had always been a lie,
But an admission is something quite rare.
Thoughts of the mind were hidden to the eye.
Lives were unraveled; tied knots came undone
Sun could not break over the horizon.
The loom worked backwards, the thread was unspun.
Such a comatose state that she lies in.
That past time is more than a memory,
More than a nightmare that can be broken.
Intricate lies woven casually,
Hidden darkness with scars as the token
Spreading black, feathered wings to fly away,
Instead diving, caught in the ocean’s sway.


His wounds are on the inside,
But his scars are on the outside
Thin, decorative lines against his skin
Sensual addiction, his mind resides in.
Leaning over the porcelain bowl,
Feeling the grease and fat in her stomach roll
Needing to achieve perfection
This has become her selection.
They fill their noses with fire,
Pop some pills when they start to tire
Push the little needles in their arms
Or smoke a joint to do less harm.
You swallow glass after glass,
Just a little too fast
Drowning out the pain
Being wasted means being sane.
Every day for them is just the same
Until the day that help came.
They saw the beauty everywhere
Knew there was a reason to care
It isn't over yet
So don't let go just yet
Think of all the ends you haven't met.


so yea. ima go do my homework now.

Perhaps a Case of Insomnia

Night. It's a whole other world. The time where reality and fantasy weave together in fancy, irregular patterns. Waking moments become dreams and dreams become living days. Nightmares force the mind to twist and turn. Insomniacs ponder the meaning of life. Artists are creating. They paint the picture of this world. Pens scribble words across the paper. Notes and chords echo through the calm, stale air. Older men and women sit up. Grab a cuppa and a snack. Nostalgia waterfalls pour over them. The masks fall away. Curtains are ripped off to reveal the truths. Long talks. Long walks. Meaningless moments do not exist. Questions pour out from hearts and souls. Lovers meet in a whirl of passion and fire. Guarded women turn men out once the night falls. Others turn tricks at the end of the street. Cash slides from one hand to another in exchange for an elixir of survival. Empty, glass bottles tossed aside. Children dream their innocence. Drunks stumble through past the threshold. The homeless shiver and huddle. And some, some lay snug in their warm, safe beds. Shielded from this alternate universe. Oblivious to it.

This City Is Far From Here

So, whoever guesses who this poem is about will win a cookie ;D


Fell through the bottom, trapped in the nightmare
She is searching for the truth of this world
Mischevious creatures make her eyes stare
Her reality is coming unfurled

Much more than a child, no less than mundane
Lost and left behind, innocent no more
Somewhat strange, maybe a little insane
Bloodied now from the flesh those claws tore

Running fast, feet pounding across the ground
She could not wake up, so she fled the beast
It roars, and she tries to block out the sound
It is close behind, but she tried at least

Was it just a dream or a memory?
Where is the love that she thought she could see?


yes this is a sonnet, so anyway comment your theories on who it's about.