Cool

So I'm going to complain. Get over it. Actually, just don't read this. I love seeing all the girls at the shows with their moms. It's a wonderful reminder of what mine never has been and never will be. It's a great reminder of the fact that my mom...you get the point. It sucks. And My grandma's sick, really, really sick. And I'm trying every day not to break down and it's so damn hard. And I don't think anyone is coming to my show. Not even my two best friends. Yay. Okay so my dad and little sisters might be there. And I really ought to get over it, it's no big deal. But I hate it, it makes this whole issue with my grandma even worse and leaves me feeling more alone than ever.. And I just want my mother to be like that. And now I'm crying, which would be good, since I've barely cried, except that I have five minutes to pull myself together. I doubt I'll go out at all tonight, I need to get home so I can break down for real, finally. Whatever, I'm done, bye.

The panic set in, for hours.
Breathing quickened, unhealthily.
Thoughts flitted back and forth.
Dangerous desires flooded.
She was decaying away.
But eyes passed over, never seeing
A thing.
Instead, she slipped by,
Unseen.
Unnoticed.
Invisible.
Until she was.
A touch on the back, and a compliment.
Then warmth outside.
Escape from a smothering cage.
Home to absence,
Yet to presence.
Phone calls from the past stole her,
And returned her to the present.
Yet, she still hid away.

This feeling is overwhelming. It is engulfing me. The loneliness is washing over me like waves crashing against a deserted pier. I am afraid to slip in, because if I do, it may never release me. I’m sorry, dear, but I’m afraid it is too late. The trap they laid for me, it was hidden all to well. I fell down a hole, tumbled into an abyss, stumbled into snares, and there is no quick release. I apologize, love, for all the pain that I have caused. The mistakes I made along the way quickly became unforgivable, so I will understand if you must leave. I felt the unseen stars soar through the air. They did not reveal themselves to me, because I scared them all away. I took the road less traveled and lost them without ever reaching my destination. 

I never post on here. My head is killing me, so here's a pathetic, shitty, mini-rant. I hate algebra two, I'm afraid for the final. Yet I've barely prepared. I need a 92 on my chem final to keep my A away from an A- and I didn't make my mole. My room looks like it was hit by tornado, I haven't even put my clothes away yet, let alone clean it. Wanna know what I have done? Sat on tumblr. Wrote. Kind of studied. Danced. Sung. Chatted with my awesome tumblr friends. Had a pity-party with myself. Yea, sucks. And gone ice skating and come home with two bruises a big scrape on my thigh and a slice on my finger. I had fun though. I just messed around, tried the one spin I never learned before I had to quit (also like the most basic) Failed. Did the one jump i know wonderfully. Did crazy fast laps for a long time. It felt good. I really did sustain a lot of injuries though. So yea, you see how unproductive I am. Fuck. So, yea. Oh and just to not break the trend *insert whiny, angsty, I have no friends, my life sucks, my mom's crazy quote here* Mkay. If you actually took the time to read this, I'm terribly sorry for the complete waste of your time. No, nevermind, I'm not. Have a nice night XD
Oh god, I am so weird right now.

She's Calling Out To You

Ho-oly shit. I don't even have the words to describe anything about the last few hours right now. I'm so...holy shit. You really don't even want to know. So...oh my god, I really don't even know what happened back there. Faith. It's a scary thing. Like, what the hell just happened? And then the whole mother thing. Haha, what?! Dude, I'm fucking confused beyond belief, and it's kind of hilarious, because I'm like this: eavgufjkhbuiojk3welhfrbwelrjhweuijnfbiuwe x10000. I don't even. Like, fuckkkkk. What just happened? Listening to this is a call on repeat, trying to sort out these thoughts. I don't have the words or the time for this. Nonetheless, I'm happy. Oh dear. I should go now.