Well

The last few days can be summed up in death, excitement, rejection, disappointment, strandedness, boredom,  betrayal, finally some fun, excitement, and relaxation, then nostalgia, confusion, longing, hopelessness mixed with hope, encouragement, unsurity, postivity, and negativity. Honestly any words, texts, distractions, advice, whatever are extremely appreciated. Oh and mix in insanity, bullsh*t scariness. So if anyone's actually reading this, talk to me. Please. About anything. I don't even care. Kaythanks. I'll try to post something good soon.





Oh and I've joined the muse cult.

This isn't poetic, it's pathetic

The title says it all. Sorry for being a silly teenage girl. Rent reference in the title by the way

Now I realize

Understand

See

It’s clear

To me

It’s safer to follow your head

Than your heart

The only question left

Should I

Follow safety to nowhere

Or pain and danger to god knows where

Death

Makes life seem surreal and all the events in it become miniscule

I don't know what's right anymore
Maybe I never knew in the first place
A decision must be made before
It's too late, and I'm gone without a trace
Not that I could anyway
Not even if I should
Would I be able to walk away?
Maybe I would, if I could
So much felt so right
So much I know is wrong
It was quick, light
Nowhere near long
Enough
Too much confusion
That needs to be let go
Too much fear
I have that I'm not even sure I can let go
But something about it about you
Feels so right
Even if reason tells me no
I'm hearing two options
Even before you've chose
Getting too far ahead
Can't leave things left unsaid
I have so much to lose
Still, I have to let you choose
I know what I fear
I know what I want
The question is, do you?

Saying you're gone
Would be meaningless when you never existed anyway
A life never quite right, with lines never drawn
Little time to spare for so much to say

The one I can never save
Feeling all the pain
And I know it won't change
Know you'll never truly be sane

I remember your absence
I dream the nightmares from you
You who upset the balance
But I will miss what I never knew

I'd say goodbye but
Goodbyes aren't necessary for those in disguise

The air is stale
Empty
Like the afterthought of a crystal glass filled
To the brim
Then slowly poured
Dumped
Into the drain
Of the clean, steel sink
Can never know
What this may have
Held in it's warm
Embrace
Can never know
What may have been
Or should
Have been
That, is
Gone
Only drops
Of what is,
Left in the air
The glass

I can feel the bile in my stomach. The acid level rises. Toxic. Dangerous enough to tear through my skin. I think I might be sick. My head is spinning in circles. Over and over. I lurch forward, unable to maintain balance on these feet. Pain shoots from my chest to my throat. Can't breathe. There's a weight sitting on my chest and my throat's closing up. My. Oxygen. Is. Depleting. My hands are trembling, and my legs-shaking. I can't stand much longer. Sinking to my knees the tears start to fall. Little salty reminders of pain felt, feelings known, moments seen, and memories relived. The poison in my stomach is rising now. Forcing it's way back through the maze of my system and up my throat. I gag. It burns holes on it's way out. The pain forces me to fall from my knees. To lie on the cool, tiled ground.

Wishing star or meteor shower?

Shooting stars
Flitting past the
Sky in front of me
I whisper not one
Wish.
The air is heavy with
Deranged dream chasers
Innocence not yet lost
Naivety greatly present
But I know
Different.
It will only lead to
Disappointment.
There is no
Wishing, only
Doing.
No
Dreaming,
Only seeing.
No hoping,
Only
Feeling.

yea i know it~s iffy and my title sucks. I have a touch of writer's block :/